It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I love you.
Bad choice
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
