bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize