She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
