I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
