the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
