I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
