Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
