It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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