You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
