Apparently you make a good broom.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
