I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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