Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
