Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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