my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
