i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
