I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think people are normalizing furries
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
