idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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