He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
