My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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