the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
