New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
