Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
