I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
