My room smells like vodka and shame
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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