on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dignity is for republicans.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
