There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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