He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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