So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
