You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
