Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize