Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
