Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
