I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
