I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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