Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
