Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
