he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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