you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
