Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
