I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
