im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
