I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
