I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
