awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You took a bar mat shot.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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