She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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