You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize