4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
