Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
