she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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