"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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