You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Someone signed my nipple.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
