Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
