hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
