I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
