I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
