Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
