Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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