ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
