It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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