WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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