Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found puke in my bra..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize