I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
