I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
