And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
