If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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