dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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