like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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