the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
