Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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