What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
