So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
