i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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